| Maulvi
Karim, who taught me to read the Quran and led prayers in our
village mosque for 40 years, was one of the most powerless men
in our community. The only power he assumed for himself was
that of postman. The postman would deliver the mail to him and
then he would walk from house to house distributing it. He would,
of course, have to read the letters for a lot of families who
couldn’t read.
He
was also a dog lover.
I
joined him a number of times as he played with his little Russian
poodle outside his house, then walked to the mosque, did his
ablutions and led the prayers. After prayers he would hang out
at the door of the mosque exchanging gossip with regulars. There
would be people loitering outside the mosque when he went in.
They would still be around as he finished the prayers and came
out. It never occurred to him to ask these people to join him.
It never occurred to the people who hung outside the mosque
to feel embarrassed about not joining the prayers. They all
lived on the same streets, not always in harmony, but religion
in any of its forms was not something they discussed on the
street. What was there to discuss? Wasn’t faith a strictly
private business? Something that happened between a man and
his god and not something that had to be discussed in your living
room.
A
minority went regularly to the mosques, another minority opened
a bottle of something in the evening, but most people had secular
pastimes like watching soap operas on TV and placing small bets
on cricket matches.
He
may sound like a character from the early 20th century but Maulvi
Karim died only about a decade ago, and till his last days he
had not given up his routine. In the social hierarchy he was
somewhere between the barber and the cobbler. His basic functions
were limited to being present at births, death and weddings.
If he had been alive today and watched an episode of Alim Online,
I wonder what he would have made of it. I wonder if he would
have felt envious of all the celebrity maulanas who have become
a staple of satellite television programming. Not only do they
crop up on every discussion on every topic on earth but now
they have their own TV channels as well, where they can preach
24/7, interrupted only by adverts for other mullahs.
The
mosque imam, who served an essential social function, has given
way to another kind of mullah: the power mullah, who drives
in a four-wheeler flanked by armed guards; the entertainer mullah,
who hogs the airwaves; and the entrepreneur mullah, who builds
networks of mosques and madrassas and spends his summer touring
Europe. And then there is the much maligned mullah with his
dreams of an eternal war and world domination.
Since
“mullah,” when pronounced in a certain way, can
be read as a derogatory term, and since we don’t want
to offend them (because we all know that they do get very easily
offended) we should call them evangelists or preachers.
Mullahs,
maulvis, imamas, or ulema-i-karam as many of them prefer to
call themselves, have never had the kind of influence or social
standing that they enjoy now. A large part of Pakistan is enthralled
by this new generation of evangelists. They are there on prime
time TV, they thunder on FM radios between adverts for Pepsi
and hair removing cream. In the past few years, they have established
fancy websites with embedded videos; mobile phone companies
offer their sermons for download right to your telephone. They
come suited, they come dressed like characters out of the Thousand
and One Nights, they are men and they are women. Some of them
even dress like bankers and talk like property agents offering
bargain deals in heaven.
I grew up during the time of General Zia, the first evangelist
to occupy the presidency in Pakistan. But even he had the good
sense to keep the beards away from prime time television. But
the ruthless media barons of today have no such qualms. They
have turned religion into a major money-spinner. Pakistan’s
economy remains in its endless downwards spiral, but it certainly
seems there is a lot of money still to be made in televised
preaching.
They have also tailored their message to the aspiring middle
classes. Recently on his show on Haq TV, Tahirul Qadri (and
he has gone from being a maulana to Allama to Sheikh-ul-Islam)
thundered that religion doesn’t stop us from adopting
new fashions. You can change your furniture every few years,
there is nothing wrong with getting the new car models, but
it should all be done in good taste. The man could had have
given his lecture on Fashion TV. “But you shall never
question the basic tenets of religion,” he went on. The
implication was clear: you shall never question what he has
to say. The message is even clearer: make money, spend it and
it’ll all turn out to be okay if you keep tuning in to
my programme.
And
the message is being taken seriously by the upper classes of
Pakistan. I walked into a new super store in Karachi’s
Clifton area and was pleasantly surprised to see what looked
like a books section. It was a books section indeed, but it
was called “Islamic Books Section” and all the books
in it were about Islam.
I
went to a Nike store, and it was no different from any Nike
store in any part of the world: over-priced, shiny sneakers
and branded football shirts. But in the background instead of
the loud gym music, the hallmark of such stores, speakers played
recitation from the Quran.
The
multinational companies, sensing the mood of the people, have
also joined the bandwagon. Mobile phone companies offer calls
to prayers for ring tones, and Quranic recitations and religious
sermons as free downloads. During the month of Ramadan a number
of international banks were gifting their preferred clients
fancy boxes containing rosaries, dates and miniature Qurans.
It’s
the perfect marriage between God and greed.
Traditionally,
what a preacher needed was a pulpit. For the pulpit he needed
a mosque, and to get to a mosque he needed to do a long apprenticeship
in which he had to prove his worth to the community before he
could be allowed to sit at that pulpit. With the arrival of
satellite TV channels, evangelists provide the most cost-effective
programming and, as a result, have found a pulpit in every living
room.
Even
the Sindhi and Seraiki language channels, which were known for
their liberal political approach and sufi messages, have found
their own evangelists to fill the slots.
And their influence has changed our social landscape beyond
recognition. Twelve years ago, an old friend from school tried
to recruit me into a militant anti-Shia organisation. After
dropping out from high school, Zulfikar Ahmad had started a
motorcycle garage and joined one of the sectarian organisations
that were flourishing in the area. We had a heated discussion
over his politics, and I reminded him of a number of common
friends who were Shias and were as good or bad Muslims as any
of our other classmates. Visibly unconvinced, Zulfikar gave
up on me and wished me luck in my godless life.
Zulfikar’s attempt at converting me was one of the many
signs of religious intolerance creeping into our lives. Taliban-ruled
neighbouring Afghanistan and many middle class Pakistanis, while
enjoying the relative freedoms of a fledgling democracy, hankered
for a more puritanical, Taliban-style government. But these
zealots, despite their high profile, remained marginal to society
as religion was a personal affair, not something you discussed
in your drawing room.
As I moved back to Pakistan a few months ago, I was overwhelmed
by the all pervasive religious symbols in public spaces and
theocratic debates raging in the independent media as well as
in the drawing rooms of friends and relatives. The graffiti
on the walls of Karachi, blood-curdling calls for jihad, adverts
for luxury Umrahs are omnipresent. And for those who can’t
afford to go all the way to Mecca, neighbourhood mosques offer
regular lectures and special prayers sessions.
I spent the Eid holidays in my village in Punjab and attended
prayers at the mosque, which Maulvi Karim used to run. My village
folk are very wary of radical mullahs and have appointed an
imam who is Maulvi Karim’s son and has spent most of his
youth in Birmingham. His sermon was probably the most progressive
I have ever heard. He advised his male congregation to share
household work with their women. He gave examples from Prophet
Mohammed’s life and said that he used to clean his own
room even when he had more than one wife. “You must attend
to your stock yourself. It doesn’t matter if you have
servants, feed your buffaloes,” he said. I looked around
in amusement, trying to imagine these men, steeped in centuries
of male chauvinistic tradition, going home to do their dishes.
What puzzled me in the end was that his prayer included get-well-soon
wishes for Baitullah Mehsud, who according to local TV channels,
was ill. I couldn’t reconcile the imam’s message
for equality of the sexes and his good will for Mehsud, whose
crusade against women is as well known as his anti-American
jihad.
For answers I turned to my old friend Zulfikar. He still sports
a long, flowing beard but his conversation is peppered with
Punjabi expletives which I found quite refreshing amidst the
wall-to-wall piety in my hometown. “I have left all that
jihad-against-Shias business behind,” he told me. “I
have college-going daughters now. Bringing up children in these
times is a full-time jihad.”
He told me that he was worried about the others. “I look
as if I am a Taliban supporter but I am not. But these clean-shaven
people you see here,” he pointed to some clients and workers
at his garage, “inside they are all Taliban.” He
explained that with Pakistan coming under repeated US attacks
even people who have voted for moderate political parties are
looking towards the Taliban for deliverance.
In Karachi, there are frequent warnings that the Taliban are
headed this way. There are posters warning us about Talibanisation.
Altaf Hussain thunders about them at every single opportunity.
But nobody seems to warn us about the preachers who are already
here: the ones wagging their fingers on TV always tend to precede
the ones waving their guns, smashing those TVs and bombing poor
barbers.
Preaching is also turning out to be an equal opportunity business.
Driving my son to his new school one day, I listened to a woman
talking with a posh Urdu accent on a local FM radio. With a
generous smattering of English, she was trying to persuade her
listeners to dress properly. “When you prepare for a party,
how much do you fuss over a dress? You select a piece, then
you find something matching, then you have second thoughts.
All because you want to look your best at the party. You want
to flatter your host. And do you prepare like this when you
know that one day very soon you are going to go to the ultimate
party, where your host will be Allah?”
The speech, we were told, was brought to us by al-Huda Trust,
which is located in the upscale Defence Housing Authority and
has its own website.
Later, I ran into a relative, a mother of two who was wearing
jeans and a shirt, and who asked our opinion about her new hairdo.
She was fasting, I was not. She quoted me some rules for fasting:
situations in which one is allowed not to fast, along with some
more injunctions for lapsed ones like myself. When are you going
to start wearing the hijab? I asked her jokingly.
Probably never, she said. “The Book tells us only to wear
something loose, not to draw attention, not to wear anything
tight. There are so many rapes, abductions. We must not provoke.”
“How do you know all this religious stuff?” I asked
her.
“I have read it in books,” she said nonchalantly,
as if it was the most normal thing for a liberated working mother
to pore over religious texts to decide the length of the hem
of her skirt or the size of her blouse.
“Where does it say?” I challenged her. “In
the Quran. I have read it myself.” She started another
mini-lecture, which ended with these words: “The point
is that Allah doesn’t want a woman to draw attention to
her bosom.”
Listening to these preachers, people in Pakistan today seem
to believe that God is some kind of lecherous old man who sits
there worrying about the size of a woman’s blouse while
American drones bomb the hell out of the Pashtuns in the North.
You can blame the Pashtuns for many things, but no true Pashtun
has ever been accused of wearing tight dresses.
Pakistan’s president, Asif Zardari, stumbling from one
crisis to another, has been accused of many things, but nobody
has ever accused him of having a political philosophy. He was
asked about this a while ago in an interview, and he parroted
some clichés about Sindhi Sufi poetry and world peace.
“I am a great admirer of Sindhi Sufi poetry,” but
I doubt Zardari would get very far reciting it to one of the
thousands of evangelists unleashed on this hapless nation. Because
if Zardari has read Sindhi Sufi poetry – or, for that
matter, Punjabi, or Pushto Sufi poetry – he would know
that it is full of more warnings about mullahs than all the
CIA’s country reports lined end-to-end. Sometimes I am
also puzzled at my own reactions to these preachers: why do
these overt symbols of religion bother me when I myself grew
up in a family where prayers, Quran, and rosaries were a part
of our everyday life. One reason could be that the kind of religion
I grew up with was never associated with suicide bombings and
philosophies of world domination. Religion was something you
practiced on your own, between meals and going to school. It
didn’t involve blowing up schools, which seems to be the
favourite pastime of Islamist militants in today’s Pakistan
and something that our televangelists never talk about. Maybe
people are just buying into the symbolism as a way of expressing
their defiance towards the Pakistan government’s policies
that many of them see as a mere extension of the US. Maybe,
like many other expats, I just hanker for those good old days
when saints and sinners, believers and sceptics and preachers
and their bored victims could live side by side without killing
each other.
Mohammed Hanif is the author of A
Case of Exploding Mangoes. 
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